J is my long lost fren, she's one of my kaki at primary…well not long lost actually…but we lost contact and when my high skool fren (becoz sum of my primary went to the same secondary that I went..J went to Kay El high skool…whilst I settle in Gombuck) decided to make a reunion, J heard from other fren that I went to oversea to study and now I 'dah balik kampung'…(I din go to the reunion..my mom disallow me to go out at night starting from 8.30pm…curfew orders as Malaysia is dangerous..; this is my mom reasoning, the true reason is becoz she dun like any of my fren….too social she said…)
From my other fren, she gt my phone number and asked me to lepak wif her…If I'm not mistaken almost 9 or 10 years we never lepak together…so went and lepak lar
Venue: old town kopitiam
Time: lunch hour like that…
I call her J here…so plz figure out her real name (Jenab, Joyah, Jehan, Jibon, Jeanne, Janet..Jessica..etc)..if u are really that busy body lar…
J that I know 9-10 years ago is very different from the current J…she's used to be very soft spoken…'lemah lembut' and yada-yada…i.e. the gurl next door that ur mom would prefer to have her as daughter in law
Current J is still lemah lembut…but there sumthing that is totally different wif her…she become more serious…( she's smoking….when I made lame joke she find it not funny at all…sob,sob,sob)
Well at first i thought maybe 9-10 years ago all the hormones; progesterone…that-trone, this-trone..dunno what trone lar..(The same hormones that make our face look like moon surface) still raging…uncontrollable in J's system…and now all the hormones become settle lar…so more matured..
But I was wrong….when I said serious…not serious like me…face serious but brain full of craps…she's too…LOGIC+ garang + rude= b*t*h!
Since I'm a heart-less person…I dun bother lar…eventhough I do find the' new J' is a bit boring (and b*t*hy)…but like always happen to me..people love to share their dunno what…history lar…past lar…secret lar…secret recipe lar..granfather story lar….
(I used to asked God…why I know a lot of people secret 'dan perkara-perkara yang sama waktu dengannya?'..issit because my name Ainun Zafirah defines to be "big eyes?")
Okay…enuff crap-ing…..so J told me what turns her from lovely gurl 'pijak semut tak mati' to a more serious woman 'who tell the truth and accept nothing but the truth'
She told me 'it's all about love'….when she mentioned the word love seriously I felt like ask her to excuse me…I got other important thing to do…common lar..if u are a gurl..and u have close gurl fren u would realize that 'love' is a COMMON probs among gurl….no need to worry lar…becoz gurl right…as long as they are in love…love totally would be a 'major excess baggage' to them….but still..gurl,we are addicted to be in love..(Aren't we?)
Since I dun wanna hurt her feeling…I listened ajer lar..summore I got no other thing important to do…so her story maybe can cure my boring-ness…
She told me at the age of 16…she felt in love wif this guy…(I juz call him K lar…like Dato K..muahahahaha….)..J is in love wif K….wanna be his gurl,…his only wan…but K juz wan J to be her sister…
J dun wan…so she force him to 'commit' to her….and u know lar guys…when a gurl is that desperate to be his gurl…so he would 'ambil kesempatan punya…'
K agreed…but only if J wanna sleep wif him…J,who so in love wif K…agreed…(at this point I'm quite disappointed wif J…I wanna ask her.."J,…why you are sooo cheap?")….
But tak sempat I wanna pose the question J already said this thing, "when u are in love….u become stupid and dumb…u'd do things that u dun wanna do…u'd obey what ur lover wan u to to"
J lied to her parents about going to tuition lar…netball practice lar….kelas mengaji Al-Quran lar…but actually she 'went' tuition at his place…K is a very rich boy…(like I said…like Dato K…)….mom & dad divorce….got nobody at his home except his Indonesian maid…so every day is a 'honeymoon day' for J and K…
J mentioned to me…though they did it every day…she never consent to it…every time it's K…it's all about K…the 'thing' and the 'satisfaction'….what she felt after 'that thing' is only pain..(actually I dunno whether I shud or shud not write this sentence…but readers…plz keep ur brain in positive mode)…
And each time…she felt..'sangat-sangat berdosa..(full of sins)'….so that's why 2 years after full of honeymoon…they decidec to get engaged….
J's mom hates K…like all other moms…J's mom got 'antenna on her head' i.e. she can detect whether the guy is a good guy or bad guy lar…
As usual…like Romeo and Juliet…like Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham…like Green Green Grass by The River….like Faye Wong relationship wif Nicolas Tse…..when mom says the right thing about the bf,the daughter won't listen….
On the other hand, K's mom osso dun like her…his mom thought J is the reason why her boy become so social and 'degil'….(actually Puan K…u and ur husband are the main reason why K destroying my fren's life…ur money turns him to be a spoilt brat..enuff say!!)
God's will…this is the event that would change J forever…K is working at one of this fast food franchise (he doesn't need the money obviously….juz wanna kill the time) whilst J juz stay at home lar..every time K finish his shift…he would call her..if not, J would worry to death…
One night…he never call… J couldn't sleep..she called every K's frens…K turns off his hp… J waited 12 hours for him…she couldn't sleep…cried all night…until….
K's hp can be reach at 9.30 am in the next morning….(jahanam punya lelaki…)…
J: why you turn off your hp?
K: that's not ur prob..I got sumthing to told you…plz dun call me or trying to find me again…
J: why?....what have I done?
K: I got someone new….
And then K juz hung up…and turn off his hp..(again??...for God's sake)….as a 'good wife'..(stupid wife actually)… J went to K's working place…and J told me..what a big drama happened that morning
The new gurl is there osso….J chased K who drove away wif the new gurl…the new gurl felt 'kesian' to J…stop the car..invite J…talked together...(actually the story is too long lar…they fought like hell in front of public...)
But J never blame the new gurl…"she didn't know anything becoz K said he's single. The night he cannot be reach out is the same night they met each other..so it means K dumped me for a gurl who he met juz for 10 minutes. We are in several years relationship and it only takes "10 minutes gurl" to take him away from me.."
I'm not a very emo person…but at this point I almost cry lar…(thank God can 'tahan')….she told me how she's crushed to the bone…she blame herself all the way for not listening to her mom…for doing sumthing that she never wanna do…and the upmost important…she blame herself for trusting him soo much and for being stupid…becoz…after that…
One year past alredi and J met a new guy…this is totally different guy…he never touch her and all other good things lar…but becoz of her past…she felt dirty..too dirty to him..though the new guy willing to accept her past…but what amaze me is when J told me the other reasons why she rejected the new guy is becoz she still in love wif K…(how stupid J can be…)…
Still, the new guy willing to accept this…until one day…this new guy give up…and only then J realize that she's actually fell in love with him…but too late already lar….the new guy cannot accept her anymore becoz he thinks J take him for granted..(pulak dah…)…
So J remains single for a very-very long time until….K comes crawling back to her…why?...he's dumped by his fiancĂ©e…wow!!...talk about Karma….thank God this time J is wise enuff to told K- "eat the dirt, deep sh**!!"
Only after this happen..J realize that all human being are the same i.e. they can never have a forever relationship wif her…ppl change…bt she's not i.e. she's too loyal to her lover...she juz cannot trust anybody anymore..anybody…
Well..I'm not a very expert in this matters, but I tried to advise her lar…I told her that I osso like that what…I dun trust anybody except God and my family…but still I never detest anybody…if I dun like that person..no need to talk crap behind his or her back…juz ignore lar and continue wif our life..
J disagreed…she said.."If God really love me…why He made me fell in love wif K at the first place"
I replied "everything happen for a reason"
J "true…but why God completely ignore me when He knows it's K who takes advantage on me…why He never save me"…
Becoz I dun wanna continue wif this debate and due to the facts that I dun like people blaming God..I changed the topic lar…Then we talked about her career and other things that not related wif her personal life…
I'm not writing this post to humiliate her..nor to condemn her..it juz that from her story I can concludes that:
- Be careful when ur love one put conditions on your relationship…because human's needs, satisfactions, 'craving', interest…cannot be satisfy…why?..becoz ppl change what…today he likes u in red color hair…tomorrow he likes u in red color underwear
- If a man really loves you, he never touch you..he can wait right?..save it for ur first night guys…
- When people feel desperate, they willing to eat their own shit…like K lar..you already dumped her, you want her back ar?...
- Always listen to your mom, unlike you.. she got sixth sense
- We should not see our lover wif our heart but we must osso use our brain yet that's what we always do..we see our lover the WAY WE WANNA SEE HIM..not the true facts bout him
- Make sure u got married first and then u can have s**
- Dun blame God when sumthing bad happen to you, dun even blame others..plz blame urself….who ask u to choose that path?....
- I dun believe in Karma..but I believe when u disobey God, He'd punish you
- Learn to forgive and forget others becoz only by that u can forgive urself…If J forgive and forget what K did to her..I think she can accept the new guy…
To J…I hope u able to make use of ur history in a positive way…we shud learn our history to see whether it can help us to face the challenge today….keep regretting is a waste of time…if I'm in ur shoes, I'd think like this…'if I fall, people who want to see me fall would feel very happy'